Retrospect

I’m on a mission… A journey to the depths of my heart, so to speak.

Looking back over my years I see a generally good life. I’ve been blessed with family and friends that mean the world to me.   This blog is my examination of my inner soul and repairing my heart.   You see, my faith in men has crumbled.  My faith in a secure relationship has  been torn over and over again.  Getting a divorce after  twenty years of marriage  forced me into an independent lifestyle that I really didn’t want.

As  a child I believed marriage was forever.  My parents and grandparents stayed married until death.  No one explained to me that I may end up a divorced single mother.   Overwhelmed, scared and very resentful I made my way ever so slowly, getting used to being alone.

Being a very sensitive person to begin with doesn’t help much… There were days I just didn’t think I was strong enough to get through. This is when I had to dig in harder and respond to each challenge..  I was forty with two teenage daughters struggling to make it work.  These were years of sadness, resentment, anxiety and aloneness.

Over the last 14 years I married and divorced again, had several serious relationships, all ending for one reason or another.   My last relationship ended 8 months ago.  My heart was shattered. Three years with a man I loved and felt was my best friend.  I was so happy and I really thought, he was my forever partner in life.

Now I have to heal.. Or at least try to repair my faith.  I’ve tried to date.  I’ve even met a wonderful man who I enjoy spending time with.  But my heart feels like a cold stone.  I can’t take down my guard, I can’t open up my heart fully.   I’ve even began thinking that maybe it’s best to be single…for the rest of my life. ( I really don’t mind being alone. ) just so my heart never hurts like that again.

So here I go… Into 2015… At 54 years young. Ready to do whatever it takes to believe that true love can be  possible.

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